A Mean Drink

The bar doors swung open and the damp smell of stale beer, piss and probably another half-dozen bodily fluids filled the air. The prostitutes were gathered in the back booths with the red lights on overhead, the pool tables were filled up with the usual riff-raf and the bar was full…except my seat, she's always empty for me. The regulars didn't even look up, they knew who just walked in as for the newbies…well; they stare like always. I took my seat at the bar and my drink was already there waiting for me; a piping-hot glass of Jack Daniels. I like the usual burnin' of whiskey but nothings better than that scalding hot sensation runnin' on down to your guts like a coal car full of hellfire. Most of the folks in here take their poison in a shot glass like a bunch o' wimps, not me though. I like my drink in a tall pint glass.

The jukebox was playing some sappy country trash and that ain't proper drinkin' music now is it? A man can't come into a bar without some wannabe cowboy shit-kicker putting on this tripe. Well I tell you what, I stood up from that bar about as fast as the needle could drop to that record. I slapped in five nickels and put on my usual Clutch song 'Prophets of Doom', now there's a real mans song. Fast Cars, Big Evil and loud LOUD guitars. That's more up 'ta my tastes, I'm a man of pretty calm demeanor by most people's opinion but I tell ya what, this little shit walked up behind me and got up in my face like some Jack Russel Terrier comin' up to a Mastiff.

"Now why'd ya gotta go and change mah song ya prick" yelped the little man in his 'trying-to hard-to-be- southern twang'. I turned around and he met my trademark stink eye and can ya believe it! The little shit didn't flinch. Well, here's about the time where I usually set these types straight when they come in to my bar but here he is still standing tall, I couldn't tell if it was just because he was dumb or because he was off his tits.

"Well boy, ya see, this here's my bar, I come in here every day after work and I have my drink and enjoy the company o' these 'ere people to relax ya see? Now, I usually like to come in here 'n' put on my usual song and have my usual drink but you gone and done mucked that up 'fer me. Now I'm gonna give ya about fifteen seconds before I knock ya silly ya hear?" Now ya see I thought dis here was a pretty reasonable lil offer but it seems this lil pip-squeek wanted to be the new alpha dog.

Well, between you's and me I didn't want to hurt the lil guy so I just gave him a good whack upside of the head and he reeled back onto a pool table and I thought he was done but the little shit got up, grabbed a pool stick and broke it over my head. I didn't like that one too much so I turned around and gave him a good jab to his lil face and sent him onto some poor lady's table. Well, that's just bad manners on his part; he shoulda done a lot better to not land on her table eh? Well I sought out to make him look like a polite gentleman and busted his pretty smile up real good on the side of my bar stool. Well he just got up and kept comin' and I kept battin' him around like a dog would a fresh piece of road kill. Well it went on 'fer awhile and me being the big guy dat I am, I got a bit winded and sat down for another drink.

"Now, a'fore I gotta really hurt ya, I suggest ya sit down and have a drink on me" and that little shit listened sat down. "A Screamin' Magpie fer me and mah new friend here on me". Now he just stared at me real odd-like, I couldn't tell if he was still reelin' from them punches but a quick drink'd fix 'em right up.

 

"What's yer name lad?"

"It'sh Sheth" and just as I thought, I got his face swellin' up pretty good.

"Well, you's alright in my book kid. I ain't never seen nobody take dat many punches from me a'fore"

"What'sh you name?"

"Me? Well…my name's … my name's Odysseus"